Heavenly, but difficult to love

Mar 28

My first impressions on this product come from its packaging. I give it a solid A+ and a massive gold star for aesthetics.

Metallic blue and a creamy color profile that screams, “I’m fancy, gluten-free, and better for you.”

They had me dreaming of my homemade blueberry pound cake with lemon drizzle, so you know my expectations were sky-high.

Heavenly Hunks are Non-GMO verified, Dairy-Free, Certified Vegan, Certified Gluten-Free, and even Glyphosate Residue Free (because who wants herbicides in their treats?).

And what’s even better?

They’re made with real, simple ingredients.

Ingredients: Gluten free oats, brown rice syrup, cane sugar, palm kernel and palm oil, blueberries, coconut, sorghum flour, tapioca flour, potato starch, sea salt, natural flavors, sunflower lecithin (an emuslifier), Vitamin E.

“We don’t use any ingredient you couldn’t find in your own kitchen”

— Heavenly Hunks

The hunks smell of blueberry and oatmeal —like a Nutrigrain bar’s cooler cousin who’s vegan, gluten-free, and shops exclusively at farmers' markets.

Lemon? Oh, honey, she’s shy. You’ll get a kiss of lemon glaze if you really squint your taste buds.

I was chewing on texture for the entirety of the bite-sized snack. These hunks are oat-forward with a coconut twist.

If you’re not into coconut, you might want to swipe left.

There’s WHOLE blueberries in these?! Plump, flavorful, and perfectly harmonizing with the oat-coconut combo.

Honestly, the flavor balance? Chef’s kiss.

The bag says there are five servings.

Five servings?! Who’s eating just one hunk and calling it a day?

Certainly not me.

That’s not a snack; that’s foreplay.

I managed two before feeling satisfied, which was both surprising and mildly annoying.

Here’s where my hunk romance took a turn.

The bag says to refrigerate after opening.

Cool, I followed instructions like a responsible adult.

But when I went back for round two, my hunks had turned into cold, hard heartbreakers. I felt personally victimized by Heavenly Hunks.

So why did I need to refrigerate these again??

Anyway, luckily after some thawing (and glaring), they softened back to their original, chewy glory.

But really, where was the disclaimer about needing a PhD in snack storage to enjoy these properly?

Are they heavenly? Eh, more like “pretty damn good.” They’re tasty, satisfying, and guilt-free.

(Maybe guilt free?…I ate the whole bag…except one just to refrigerate and try).

But they’re also a bit high-maintenance for something that costs $4.39 a bag—or $35 if you’re feeling impulsive.

Would I buy them again? Sure, but only if they come with a manual on proper refrigeration etiquette (and probably a bigger bag. I can’t commit to six bags at a time).