Flackers Crackers: for the birds.
When I was growing up, my grandmother used to have this giant container of flax seeds.
I’d imagine it was because of all the nutritional value and health benefits they provide, but I never asked, and being a kid, I probably didn’t care.
So, I didn’t know anything about them, nor did I ever try them.
But as a grown adult, I’m curious.
What’s the buzz around flax seeds?
That’s when I stumbled upon some flax seed crackers on Thrive Market.
Let’s talk about Flackers Flax Seed Crackers,
a snack that promises to combine health and convenience in one crunchy bite.
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when someone takes the idea of “healthy eating” a little too far, Flackers might be your answer.
First, let’s address the price. These crackers are not cheap. 5 oz. bags cost $5.29 on Thrive Market (usually $6.99).
To compare, Amazon lists them for $7.38 per bag. If you’re feeling extra adventurous, Walmart has a pack of two for $25.20, or you can go buck wild and grab a case of six bags at Target for $50.49.
ARE YOU GUYS INSANE?
Who has that kind of money for six 5 oz bags of crackers?!
At these prices, you’d expect gourmet flavor and a transformative snacking experience. Unfortunately, what you’re getting is flax seeds pressed into cracker form.
Flackers do shine in the nutrition department, offering an impressive array of benefits (or so the bag sayssss) for anyone on a low- carb or paleo diet.
They’re organic, gluten-free, grain-free, non-GMO, plant-based, vegetarian, paleo, and low on sugar. The crackers are even dehydrated at low temperatures to retain nutrients like omega-3s and enzymes.
It’s clear that a lot of thought went into making these as healthy as possible.
But here’s the catch: I don’t believe they’re telling the whole truth about these crackers…
and they taste like healthy food in the worst possible way.
Why do I believe they are not telling the truth?
Well, because they say that whole flax seeds aren’t digested in the same manner as if they were ground flax seeds.
Whole flax seeds hardly have any nutritional value at all. In fact, there is a lot of research that backs this up. From the Mayo Clinic,
“Most nutrition experts recommend ground over whole flaxseed because the ground form is easier to digest. Whole flaxseed may pass through your intestine undigested, which means you won’t get all the benefits.”
The outer shell of flax seeds are difficult for our bodies to digest, so ground flax seeds are recommended in order to get all of the health benefits.
But tell me… if there is no nutritional value to whole flax seeds…why am I even eating these crackers in the first place…?
I think Flackers are pulling our leg with this whole “9g of fiber” and “6g of protein”
...can’t possibly be true if whole flax seeds like in these crackers aren’t fully digesting.
Right?
Flackers were originally developed by a doctor in Minneapolis as a healthy snack for gluten-free patients. While the intention is admirable, the taste leaves much to be desired.
Imagine biting into something that makes you feel like you are now part of the bird species. I took one bite and immediately regretted it.
Bird seed. I am pretty sure I just ate bird seed.
My body’s reaction was instinctual—gasp, spit, and wonder why I subjected myself to this.
I took one bite, and I haven’t done this in ages, but I had to spit it out immediately. Like, full-on reflex mode.
Absolutely disgusting.
I can’t even explain the taste to you right now because it barely had time to register before it was back out—straight into my hand. (Yes, I know that’s gross. Relax, I’m washing my hands. Twice.)
It was like my body said, “Nope, this is not food. Abort mission!” I gasped, I spit, all in one swift, dramatic motion.
(Yes, I’m dramatic. But trust me, this was spit-worthy.)
They say flax seed is supposed to taste like a “magical” hybrid of sunflower seeds and sesame seeds (“a nutritional powerhouse”, as it says on the back of the bag),
but I’m calling bulls#*t.
Another source claims it’s more “earthy and nutty.” Earthy? Sure, I’ll give you that—it’s basically dirt-adjacent.
Nutty? Not so much. Although, people who love flax seeds might be a bit nutty… Just kidding, Grandma! I love you.
Now, here’s the kicker: I adore both sunflower and sesame seeds. They’re like the MVPs of the seed world. And yet, somehow, flax seed? Hard pass.
What was Grandma’s deal with flax seed anyway?
I just spent $6.99 to spit out a cracker and I’m not even going to make my husband try these…it would be cruel.
It is an absolute
IMBHO-no.
Because it’s bird seed.
Tweet tweet.
